The First Spirit Possession

The following is an excerpt from my research on young shamans in Ulaanbaatar. All information has been given with permission for publication.  Certain identifying details have been changed.  

Here, a shaman describes his first spirit possession ceremony.  Feel free to send questions regarding this topic.

The following are in the words of a young shaman from Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia. I have translated it into English but attempted to keep it as much in his own words as I could.

The shaman possessed by his grandmother spirit

The first time I saw my teacher and saw the spirits come into him, I felt so much fear. I was so afraid that I had to go out from the ceremonial ger [yurt].  Outside, suddenly I felt the presence of all nature: the sun, mountains, and sky. They all looked different to me.  I was about thirty or forty steps, and suddenly felt that shamanism was my life.  I could not go on without becoming a shaman.  But at the same time, I still felt so much fear.

After that experience, I went to my teacher and told him, “I want to be a shaman.  I can be a shaman!”  He refused my, saying “No, you can’t.”

For three months, I went to my teacher every day.  Finally, after all that time, he accepted and said, “Fine, you can be a shaman. Do you want to try shamanizing?”  At the time I was with a friend who had said the same as me.  My friend became scared. He said “No, I don’t want to see this,” and left the ger.

But I said “Yes, I want to try.” Yet, try as I might, my mind was unable to let go.  I asked for my mother to be present for this first shamanizing, and she was brought in.  Then my teacher gave me a small amount of vodka, just enough to let me let go of everything else.

Then he put the maihavch (ritual headdress and mask, which covers the entire face) over my head and I couldn’t see.  From far away within the darkness of the mask, I saw a light coming towards me.  

I picked up the drum and began drumming, but I couldn’t feel my body. I wasn’t consciously drumming.  The rhythm of the drum began, but I couldn’t feel my hands. Even my leg was moving, but I couldn’t feel it.  I didn’t know. I was told later.  

My mind was working, and so were my ears, but all of my other senses were beyond my own control.  Suddenly, I could see my own hand and it seemed too large.  It had a cup of tea and was bringing it up to drink.  

I heard my mother ask “Amar baina uu?” (an archaic formal greeting meaning “are you well?”).  I wanted to respond to her, but I couldn’t. I felt like I must be a dead person.  My ancestor spirit spoke, and I was so confused, I didn’t know why.  It was using my mouth and I just heard it.  My body was no longer mine. It was someone else’s.  

Then I woke up.

Four hours had passed, but to me it felt like half a minute.